Aunt Ele Died
I wish I could say that I was sad to hear from my mother (Eileen) that Aunt Ele passed.
I’m not. I haven’t spoken to her or anyone in my family for almost 10 years.
Ele died on October 9th. This news came in a letter to me from Eileen. The envelope had stickers on it. Does anyone send bad news in an envelope with stickers? Eileen isn’t the most appropriate person. She wrote: ” Ele passed peacefully while her niece, sister-in-law and I were visiting. ” She sent a funeral card that said Ele died on October 9th. So even though I don’t speak to Eileen, she believes it is appropriate to send death notices through the mail.
Ele was 95 years old. She died from cancer in her lung, even though she never smoked in the last 30 years. She was my Mother’s aunt and didn’t care too much for me. I can only recall a few conversations where she had anything nice to say to me. Generally, as a child growing into a teen, Ele reminded me how fat I was. So naturally, she wasn’t my favorite person.
Her husband, Joe loved me quite a bit and I him. He died 11 years ago (February 19, 1996) and soon after my association with my family died as well. My Dad was a businessman and although he provided many nice things for me as a child, he wasn’t the type of Dad you saw on television. He wanted to be, but he didn’t have the experience and has never been comfortable being like that (which was okay because he was My Dad). So Uncle Joe filled in the gaps by filling my bike and teaching me to play checkers. Mostly, he taught me to love gardening and I think he would be amazed by all of the plants I have planted. I can’t keep tears from falling from my face whenever I think of him because he taught me about love. By loving me, by loving his wife (even when she was mean) and by loving nature. He was kind and good hearted. Lee is very much like him and a bit like my father as well.
My Uncle and my Grandmother yards touched and my Uncle cared a lot for my grandmother. I’m not sure Ele was so crazy about my grandmother either.
Years ago, when troubles brewed for my family, I turned to Ele and wrote a letter. She wrote that anything I told her, she will tell my mother and if I didn’t want my Mother to know, then I shouldn’t write it to her. Soooooooooo I didn’t write her again because rather than thinking she was an older and wiser woman to speak to, she was really just someone else who didn’t care about me. Sad, right? At the time, I was 28 and felt very misunderstood and unsupported. It was then I turned to God and closed the door behind on my past.
I wish I had more Christian like things to write. I wish I could say that I had a great relationship with her, but I can’t. Yet, I did learn how to be a good aunt and over the years, I learned that family isn’t the people that you are joined to by blood, but those that wish to be in your presence, cheer on your success, support your dreams and want to be there when you are down. I’ve learned that relationships that aren’t reciprocal need to be put to the side. I was always taught honor your parents and family, so it was hard for me to realize that strangers on the street would treat me better than my family.
Since I don’t want to think about it any longer, I hand it over to the Lord. He knows better what to do with this than I.
Hugs,
marlene
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