Celebrating my Birthday

I’m celebrating my birthday Memorial Day weekend for several reasons this year.

But tonight  I celebrated with friends & shrimp in garlic sauce.

This song sums up what I want for the coming year…..

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Home Depot & Pathmark – Technology Fail

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of Do It Yourself checkouts. I usually use them. I like the Do It Yourself Checkouts because I am pretty fast and there are usually no lines.Now, Pathmark and Home Depot in Brooklyn have decided not to have any lines open and just have the four check out yourself lines open.

This defeats the purpose of the lines because they are neither fast or efficient. Most people don’t know how to use them so the one employee that is there to watch the lines basically helps that one person while the machines get jammed and need his or her card to get unjammed.

Not to mention the fact that I went grocery shopping in the early morning hours with Lee and we had a cart full of items. These Do It Yourself lines aren’t meant for big orders. It takes a long time to check yourself out when you have a big order. Usually, when I have a large order, we go to the regular checkout and we’ll bag for the cashier and now we can’t do that because there is just one employee managing the four DIY checkouts.

Home Depot’s and Pathmark’s technology use – FAIL.

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Love & Furniture

It’s no secret that I love Pottery Barn…..Everything in Pottery Barn. I don’t have a Pottery Barn sofa because it was too squishy or a Dining Room set because we wanted a large pub height table. Yet, in the living room, we have some great Pottery Barn tables.In the dining room, there were no traces of Pottery Barn.Lee sent me a link to Pottery Barn’s Garrett Glass Cabinet this week:I am in love with it…..and him. We ordered it today and I can’t wait to it gets here. Edit: I cancelled it – I have to think about it for a bit because it is just so open.

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Savvy Parents

I gave an Internet Safety Workshop to parents today.

My students think their parents are nosey, when really their parents just want them to be safe.

It was my first day back after my Dad’s passing and I was glad to be busy. I’m lucky to have great students and great parents at my school.

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Morbid & Creepy

Today I got a card in my work mail. The return address included my father’s name and address.  I picked it up, turned to a co-worker and said, “my father is sending cards from the afterlife.” My co-worker noted the return address label and reached for the envelope. She said, “oh it must have gotten lost in the mail. Check the date.”

I turned to her and said, “no it’s just someone being inappropriate and using his labels after he is gone.”

She said, “oh it must be a mistake. No one would do that…it’s just morbid and creepy.”

Sadly, it’s not. I am related to people that are THAT insensitive.  And they would never think of being so insensitive to strangers on the street.

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Blessed

 Thank you to all my friends. Your phone calls, cards. e-mail, prayers and kind words mean so much to me. My neighbor who I only know for a few months made us a casserole.  I have been blessed to have such incredible thoughtful people in my life. I am so grateful to God for you all.

Last night, friends made us dinner and we prayed together for my Dad. I could feel God’s presence in my home and I just thanked Him for putting good people in my life.

Last night and this morning, Jesus brought the rain…..I had been waiting for the rain.

Today my family went out to Long Island. It was a peaceful day which we all needed.

Thankful, grateful and blessed.

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The Greatest Man I Never Knew

Most of my friends have one kind of Dad, I have another type of Dad. Although my type of Dad may be more rare, he does exist. There are other people who have written about their fathers and even sung songs about their fathers and I can totally relate to them.  My song for my Dad is “The Greatest Man I Never Knew” by Richard Leigh which is performed by country artist, Reba McEntire, Richard Leigh and I had the same type of father. The one who works all the time and whose passion is their work. (See post below for the words to the song).

Leon had the type of father most people have. Leon’s eyes fill with tears when Luther Vandrose’s song, “To Dance with My Father Again” comes on the radio. He grabs my hand and dances with me while he sings the song in honor of his parents.  I’m glad to be his dancing partner, but I can’t relate to Vandrose’s smooshy type of Dad.

My father had an amazing mind and could do large calculations in his head. He was an actuary and had a high position in a big corporation. My father liked making money.

With it, he knew he could provide for his family. Sadly, he didn’t really want anything or buy himself anything.

When I was younger, my Dad was away for months at a time. He’s traveled most of the world. I don’t remember missing him which is probably strange to most people. I loved when he returned because he showered me with gifts from his travels.

Other than working, my Dad came home and laid on the sofa to watch television. We didn’t have big dinner conversations. Sometimes he sat with us, sometimes he brought his plate to the living room and watched television while he ate. Now that I work, I understand why that some days you just need quiet. When we went to family parties or people came over, my Dad was the life of the party and told jokes to everyone.

In the evening, my Dad he always called for me to bring him a drink (first two sodas and then later when he went healthy, two waters). When I was younger, he liked to eat jello, ice pops and cake. He also liked eating liquorice and jelly beans. Later, he liked taking a lot of vitamins. He was 76 year old this year.

When I was a child, we drove to Long Island on the weekend. My Dad he had severe road rage. He cussed up a storm. I even remember him racing against other drivers who cut him off on the highway. Although he hasn’t driven in more than 20 years, I can almost still hear his cussing and feel the fast driving. It’s no secret, I’m a terrible driver just like he was.

He wasn’t the “regular type” of hugging and kissing Dad. When I was younger, he was a bit “warmer” and left kisses on the door on his way out to work. But for the most part, he was a Dad who owned a lot of suits and ties who went to work in Manhattan every day. His job required that he travel a lot. I know most children would miss a “regular Dad,” but I didn’t really. I was always glad to see him because he showered me with gifts from his travels. My Dad always gave me wonderful presents and signed cards “Love Dad.” Years later, I realized many of the cards were purchased by his secretary.

The year I was born, my parents lost their son. My father didn’t go to church and there was no sign of religion in his life. He paid for all of us to go to Catholic school so I am hoping that at some point before he died, he amended with God. I was there at the hospital when he received last rights from the priest.

My Dad loved to tease and joke with me. Sometimes his teasing went too far. As I got older, I didn’t find the teasing very funny. But everyone else found my Dad to be very funny. At his aunt’s funeral, my Dad’s cousins remarked that I didn’t find his jokes funny. She said she didn’t find her father’s too be funny even though everyone else did.

My Dad had a soft spot for pets and liked to give the dog biscuits or tease the cat.

He loved reading. When I was younger, he read a book a week. I donated over 400 of his books to the library one day because I wanted the shelf room for my books. He didn’t even notice they were gone because he had so many more. I got my love of books from him I’m sure.

My Dad loved good food. He liked going out for sushi and to other restaurants to have a good meal. My mother wasn’t a great cook, but he enjoyed her casseroles and holiday foods.He wasn’t handy, but didn’t stray from doing yard work or putting down tiles. He did what he physically could.

When I graduated from college, I walked across the stage and my Dad stood and clapped for me. Although I’ve had many greater accomplishments than that graduation, it’s one of my finest moments in life. He was proud of me. It was the feeling I’ve had all of my life towards him. I was glad to feel it in return.

My parents didn’t have an easy marriage. She was an alcoholic and it wore on him. My Dad was silent about this problem for many years. When I was in my twenties, I dated a guy who was an alcoholic for many years. When I broke up with him, my Dad and I had a short, but real conversation. My ex was a kind person who my family came to know. My Dad couldn’t understand why I would break up with him. When I told him that my ex’s drinking got to me and that I thought I stayed with him because I didn’t know of any other type of relationship my Dad became sad (and angry too). He said he didn’t realize how I had seen and wished their marriage didn’t affect me. When my brothers were younger, my mother hid the liquor in coffee cups and hid her bottles. It was the first time my Dad didn’t have anything to say so he left the room.

It was the first time I had a real conversation with him.When I was dating Leon, I wore a skirt that my Dad considered too sexy. He said he thought I should change before going out. I didn’t because I knew it must have been good if my Dad thought it was too sexy. Lee liked it. LOL.

My father was glad to be a grandfather, but since he was older he felt overwhelmed when around a baby for a long time. He was glad when I came over to play with my niece so he could go back to watching television.

I always felt like I didn’t know my father. But maybe there wasn’t much more to know. He was a good person, a good provider and did what he could. He wasn’t the type of father most people know, but I was proud he was mine.

I was glad to get the chance to tell him every single thing I needed to say. I know many people don’t get that chance. He had a hard time communicating because of his stroke and the infection his body was fighting, but he did what he could to respond to me.

I’m all over with this post and maybe one day I will come back and edit it, but for today it’s fine the way it is. My father wasn’t a saint. He was an ordinary man who did the best he could. I loved my Dad and I hope one day I will see him again.

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Planted trees

Lee and I planted trees in the backyard today. One in honor of my Dad.

Lee is a gift from God and I couldn’t be more grateful!

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Buried

My Dad was buried today.

I’ll visit soon and plant some flowers. My Dad liked remembering my brother with flowers.

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Funeral Parlors

I hate funerals and even more funeral parlors. Dead bodies don’t bother me. But the flowers, priests garbs hanging on the walls and pictures were bothersome. Even more bothersome was that my father’s cold body laid in a coffin and hardly anything about him was recognizable. He was recognizable in the hospital over the past few weeks. And I guess I hope he would look better at the funeral parlor, but he looked even worse.

And he was holding rosary beads. My Father never held rosary beads.

My father’s comb over was gone. While he was alive, I wished he would cut it. He looked like a generic old man without it.

AND he was missing his glasses. He wore glasses all my life – even when he fell asleep he had his glasses on most of the time.

But his lips were no longer parched and he didn’t feel the pain any more.

I took out my camera and took pictures. Strange, right? I wasn’t sure if I was seeing when I thought I was seeing. And I knew I would want another look. I took pictures of Leon’s Uncle because he looked so peaceful when he went to Heaven. I guess my Dad looked the same way.

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Life and death summed up in a few paragraphs

Colin was seven or eight years older than me – I don’t know for sure because I don’t know his birthday.  I know he was seven or eight because he had made his communion in the Summer of 1971 on the same day I was christened. Colin couldn’t make his communion with his class because he was being treated for cancer. He was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a rare cancer which affects children sometime around the age of seven. I know his diagnosis came in the winter because I remember my mother saying that she thought the bump (on his back?) was caused by a fall on the ice in the backyard. I know he did months of chemotherapy, lost his hair and had a wig. He died in the Fall of 1971, but I am unsure exactly when because I was just a few months old.

I found out about my brother when I was 6 or 7 years old on an overnight visit to my paternal grandmother’s house. My grandmother was shocked that I didn’t know I had a brother. She only told me a little about Colin. When I went to bed that night I heard my grandmother retelling the story to her friend in a low whisper. She couldn’t believe I didn’t know had a brother. The next day when I went home, I asked my mother about my brother. My mother was sad and didn’t say much. And  for years, we never talked about him. Occasionally I would find a picture of him and wonder what he was like as a child, but asking questions to my mother or brothers just made them sad. I remember my mother telling me his middle name was Jude and she never prayed to that saint again after Colin’s death.  I never spoke to my father about Colin.

There were only a few pictures of Colin tucked away in a drawer and a journal that he wrote for a few days. There was his bank also and  I am pretty sure still sits in my parents home with money in it still. That’s pretty strange in itself. I mean I don’t even know what my brother’s favorite ______ (anything) was, but his bank sits in a place where it can be seen on a daily basis. I never saw any of his papers or even death certificate.

The only thing that I did know was Colin’s dog. But I always thought the dog was mine because because the dog and I were the same age. Colin received the puppy while he was sick and they named the dog Barney.

The only other thing I can tell you is where he is buried. We went to the cemetery all of the time and everyone was silent. No one said anything about him or even said a prayer together – just silence. So that’s all I can tell you about my brother. I could probably tell you a lot more about most of my neighbors who I have only known for a year. *If you happen to read this blog post – go and tell a good story  about someone who has passed away. Keeping someone’s memory alive reminds everyone else that you loved them.*

    Records for children aren’t kept online the way they are for adults so there isn’t anything I can find about him here online. I could probably request a death certificate from the state office, but NY death certificates aren’t too detailed.    Update: I requested his death certificate – it had hardly any info.

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RIP Dad – April 28th 2010

The Greatest Man I Never Knew (hear it here)

by: Richard Leigh – performed by: Reba McEntire 

The greatest man I never knewLived just down the hallAnd everyday we said helloBut never touched at allHe was in his paperI was in my roomHow was I to know he thought I hung the moonThe greatest man I never knewCame home late every nightHe never had too much to sayToo much was on his mindI never really knew himAnd now it seems so sadEverything he gave to us took all he hadThen the days turned into yearsAnd the memories to black and whiteHe grew cold like an old winter windBlowing across my lifeThe greatest words I never heardI guess I’ll never hearThe man I thought could never dieS’been dead almost a yearHe was good at businessBut there was business left to doHe never said he loved meGuess he thought I knew

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