February 16th
February 16, 2012 – My brother, Phil died.
It was the worst day of my life. It was a Friday and the first day of Winter Vacation. I heard Phil died and the rest of the day went in one weird, surreal slow motion…..and the days and months that followed weren’t too good either.
The hardest thing to process was being at the cemetery and knowing that you were in the ground. No one really speaks about that part. Everyone expresses condolences and talks about life without that person, but no one talks about how terrible it is to bury someone and then to think of them buried.
One morning this past Fall, I drove out to my brother’s grave. I brought Spring bulbs to plant. As I was kneeling to plant bulbs, the wind started gusting. I stood up and the wind was incredibly strong. I love wind, but gusting wind in a cemetery freaked me out a little. As the wind was gusting, I remembered a joke between my brother and I. When I was a kid, I heard the title of a movie: “I Spit on Your Grave.” I have never seen the movie, but every time I heard the title on the television, I would say it with laughter to my brother. As the years went on and reruns of the movie were announced, he would both say the movie name to me and laugh. One day I told him that I would probably spit on his grave because he was older and would pass earlier AND HE LAUGHED because it was such a strange thing to be discussing. In my teens, I used to tell him that I would dance on his grave too. I hadn’t thought about that in years.
Oh and in case you are wondering – I didn’t spit on brother’s grave (I know you were wondering) or even dance on it. But I laughed the way I did with Phil and the wind went silent.
(The movie came out in 1978 and was probably on the television in around 1980 to reruns in 1990).
RIP bro. Only the Good Die Young
Hugs,
marlene
Topics: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
February 17th, 2014 at 3:57 am
We are at Pippins right now with you and we have a Guinness poured for Phil.The seat is empty by the drink and local Irish people get it; anyone else who asks for the chair gets told by Lee that it is taken, they walk away and we laugh.You don’t even notice because the guy at the bar said he knew Phil and you are busy with him. I figure a bad memory could be replaced by a better one.
February 20th, 2014 at 5:26 am
Friends – thank you for being there.