Mother’s drinking….more common than people realize
Oprah had a show on interventions today. There was a mother on a the show who was a well put together mother who was a recovering alcoholic. I watched the videos of them and listened intently to their story. I sat and admired the husband who took the children out of the house and away from their mother so that she could hit rock bottom and get help. Of course, the Oprah story ends with the mother getting help and the family coming together.
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mother denied being an alcoholic, but it was always apparent. Hidden bottles and drinking in the afternoon were what I saw when I was a preteen and teen. I rarely said anything to my Mother about it because she was happy and when she was happy, she wasn’t on my case. But I’ve had words with my Mother over her drinking because it’s gone too far. She denied that her drinking was a problem. My mother doesn’t realize that I vividly remember the car accident we had driving home from Frank’s in NJ. I was four. My parents switched seats and an ambulance took the riders in the other car away. The following day, I remember my mother blaming the host “who made the drinks too strong.”
My father knew my Mother’s drinking was a problem for years. He was a gentleman about it. I remember him talking to her about her drinking in a low voice and I remember her stopping for awhile. I remember him yelling at her for it and her stopping for awhile. He never spoke to us about it because he respected her – as his wife and as our mother. And we didn’t speak to him about it either until we were older. Before my father came home at night, she hid bottles and tidied the house up. My brothers and I spent time upstairs and we talked about her drinking problem.
For years, I was so embarrassed by her. I never invited anyone over because I was so afraid she would be drunk or worse, get drunk while my friends were there. One day, a friend asked me if my mother was an alcoholic. At first I denied it, but then he said that he knew because his Dad was the same way. At that point, I realized I wasn’t the only one who was experiencing this and although my situation at home didn’t change, I felt better because I had a friend to speak to about it.
For years, I dated someone with a serious drinking problem and no one in my family said anything to me. He was the life of the party and drank almost everyday. He crashed brand new cars and we all sided with him saying, “there are such terrible drivers in Brooklyn.” He and my Mom drank together at my house and at a social club. Besides the drinking, he was a sweet person who loved to go out all day and night, travel and do what I wanted to do. I tried to “cure him” and helped him get help several times. Yet, he always went back to the beer. When I finally broke up with him, my Mother was upset. I took her drinking buddy away. When I told my father that I had broken up with him because the drinking finally got to me, my father was sympathetic. He understood what it was like to be in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I don’t have a good relationship with my Mother today so I couldn’t tell you if she drinks or not. But I do know that her actions influenced me quite a bit. If you happen to be a mother who is drinking at home, know that even at age 4, I knew what was going on.
Hugs,
marlene
Topics: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:29 am
I can sort of relate to what you are saying. My ex mother in-law was really bad. She had bottles hidden all over the house. She thought no one knew. She thought no one could tell. I don’t know how many times we were called to come help my then teenage sister in-law pick her up off the floor because she had fallen down the stairs. The next day you knew she had to be sore but she would never mention it.
To this day I don’t understand why anyone has to turn to the bottle. It doesn’t solve problems it just creates more.
Take Care :)
March 7th, 2010 at 12:30 am
Thank you for article.