Remembering My Father
It’s Father’s Day and it took a few years after his passing to write this.
I was his fifth child and his only daughter. My father was brilliant. I’m not just saying that because I am his daughter, other people thought it too.
Although my father is best associated with being an actuary, he was an amazing father to me.
When people die, families often make the deceased into martyrs, but there’s no need for that. My dad was hot tempered and a bad driver. The two combined didn’t make for a pleasant ride. My brother, Phil and I would try to make each other laugh while my father was navigating the road with his temper. Phil would get yelled at if he laughed, but my Dad didn’t yell when I was laughing. He was always tender with me because I was his daughter.
When I was a child, my Dad never went to work without kissing me goodbye. If I was asleep or the door to the bedroom was closed, he would yell out that he was leaving a kiss on the door. I’m sure he wanted me to get up or come out and kiss him goodbye, but I liked it that my kiss was on the door. I didn’t realize until much later in life that I was such a priority to him.
Something very unique about my Dad was that he understood gender roles and empowered women in the 70’s. He encouraged women who worked as office admins to go back to school and become actuaries because they were already doing actuarial work. When my Dad picked presents for me, he made sure that I got “boy toys,” as well as dolls. After having four sons, he saw that girls toys couldn’t compare to construction sets and electronics. He saw that “toys for boys,” allowed children to explore and learn, while Barbies and crafting kits didn’t provide the same opportunity. Pretty amazing for an 80’s Dad.
My Dad traveled to almost everywhere in the world for his job. He was away for weeks at a time for some trips. I loved meeting him at the airport when he returned because he packed my souvenirs in his carry-on bag. He always brought me back bags of souvenirs, more than my brothers, because I think he enjoyed being able to buy cute girl things like jewelry and dolls. Yet, his best trips were the ones I got to go on!
At my college graduation, my parents sat in a front row of the balcony. When my name was called, I saw my father spring out of his seat to stand up and clap. He never had to say he was proud, his blue eyes always beamed at me.
My father discussed money and investing with me all the time. He wasn’t the type of Dad who discussed his feelings. But he listened well – real well. I had one deep conversation with my father as an adult, that I will always be grateful for. It was as raw and real as any conversation two people could have. He offered me advice which I was annoyed with at the time, but realize were the kindest words anyone could have said.
Before my father died, I went to the hospital and sat next to his bed and talked to him for hours. He wasn’t able to talk back, but when I said something that he agreed with or disagreed with, he let out a sound or moved a little. I am so thankful for those moments as I said everything that I needed to say to him.
After my Dad’s passing, I realized he had kept some things private between him and I. Knowing that reminded me our relationship was unique.
I am so grateful to God for choosing Ed to be my father. Happy Father’s Day in Heaven!
Sorry no pic – we are away and all the pics are at home.
Hugs,
marlene
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